Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
