wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
