I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
