I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
