how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
