I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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