Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
