Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
