What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
