i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
