Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
