If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
