Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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