No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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