eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
