Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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