He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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