thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
