I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
