When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
