do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
