5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
