I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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