You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
