Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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