your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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