I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
