1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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