Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
