just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
