He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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