Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
