Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
