wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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