So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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