he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
