the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
