Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
