I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
