he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
