awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
