Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
