Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
