tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
