Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
