your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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