How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
