I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
