i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
