You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
