I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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