Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I love you. Go after that dick
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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