Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
