I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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